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Dhamma explaination by Phramaha Wuthichai Vajiramedhi
Great salespersons use words to engage customers and make customers want to buy from them. Diplomats’ use their language skills can stop disagreements between the two countries and prevent wars.
Dale Carnegie realised that words can represent a person’s behavior and mind. Words are more than just words. More importantly, words have power to bring change. This is how public speaking course becomes very useful. Powerful speaking is an essential technique that is accepted worldwide.
Dale Carnegie’s two best-selling self-help books: “How to Win Friends and Influence People” and “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” are published in 38 language around the world. But why words of a person have a great influence over so many people?
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDSThere are two types of speakings. One is communicating in a language. The other is body speak or expressing through gesture and body movement. Some don’t speak much but show us respect. Some speak well but act aggressively on purpose. If so can you accept those behaviors? Of course not. This is why actions speak louder than words. And it is an important skill to develop.
How to Win Friends and Influence People is one of the books written by Dale Carnegie. It was first published in 1936. I have heard that it has sold over 15 million copies worldwide and it has been translated into 38 languages. ”Dale Carnegie was a world’s influential speaker. He also wrote several books on public speaking.
In How to Win Friends and Influence People, Carnegie advised simple methods for different situations to make people like you, win people over to your way of thinking, and change people without causing offence or arousing resentment. Actually, those are the essential everyday life skills to become a happy and successful person who is loved by all.
Carnegie was not just a successful public speaker. In real life, it takes more to become successful in business. You may need to dress to impress or dress to let your personality shine. If you are a salesperson, first impressions are everything. People will view you from head to toe, from personality traits to characteristics. Above all, your record of success is more significant.
Let me give you an example. There is a very knowledgable professor who does not talk much but when he gives an analysis on Thailand's economy, everyone pays attention. Why is that? That is because of his record of success from his life experience speaks on his behalf. That is actions speak louder than words. Eventually, actions justify a person, not words.
True, Needful and Kind: Speaking the right words at the right time. How to gain trust, respect, and love through speaking?
How to speak to inspire people to get up and keep going?
How to speak to reunite people?
We may tell the truth but people may not accept it. How to speak to please people?
All is possible. Effective speaking skill is essential to learn and if you achieve it, it will lead you to success.
The Buddha once said that a great speaker needs to speak at the right time, speak truthfully, speak meaningfully, speak resourcefully and speak kindly.Even when the time is right and you are telling the truth but if it will lead to conflicts, violence or heartbreaking, it had better be left unsaid. Some people ignore this when they speak. Some celebrities do this in their interviews, or their social media channels: Twitter, Facebook or Instragrame and create useless conflicts.
Your characteristics are also critical. Even when you speak something useful, you cannot say it aggressively and discriminately. It does not work that way. This is not easy, right? Hate speech is not acceptable. Therefore, we need to practice speaking skill as a lifelong learning skill. Schools or universities do not teach us effective speaking skills. How can we borrow something from a friend? How to speak and resolve a bad situation, or even turn the situation around? All is possible if you know how to speak.
During Songkran, a thousand people visited me each day. One day when I was giving a blessing ritual, an old lady stood up and yawned in front of all people and spoke loudly:
“when will this end?
Do you know that my leg hurts?
I had a metal rod placed in my leg.”
Everyone looked at her and it was intense.
I was speaking into a microphone so I asked:
"Dear Grandma, Does your leg hurt?
Do you know that only people who have legs can have pain in the leg?”
People laughed when they heared this. And the old lady also felt better. I continued:
“People who lose their legs would not have pain like yours. So better or worse, you should be happy that you still have the legs and feel the pain.”
She was pleased and calm now. When we speak, we need to be friendly and kind. Do not speak with sarcasm. If I were speaking with sarcasm then, the old lady would think that I meant to humiliate her. The result would not turn out well.
A quite similar story also happened in the Buddha’s period.
A man was angry with the Buddha when he woke up at four in the morning only to see that his wife was cooking. He asked his wife whom she was cooking for. She told him the food would be offered to the Kodom Buddha.
Then the husband was upset, and said,
“Who was this Kodom Buddha?
We have been living together for ten years and you never wake up early just to cook for me.”
He was so mad that he went straight to the Buddha and told him:
“Is that you? Kodom Buddha?
You are such a pain. Conflicts occur everywhere because of you. Men become monks. Wives become widows. Children become orphans.”
The Buddha listened quietly and replied:
“When you visit your friends and they offer food. If you do not eat, whom would the food belong to?”
The man said to the host. The Buddha continued,
“As in this situation, you said bad things to me, if I do not accept them, whom would they belong to?”
The man was enlighthened. He said now he realised why his wife highly respected him and he offered himself to be his follower. See? He intended to say bad things but eventually he became a follower.
